


Rivers and Roads

by humanbean



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-04 23:02:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6678982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humanbean/pseuds/humanbean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"If you love something, let it go."</p><p>Kitty and Roderick have a tumultuous relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rivers and Roads

_A year from now, we’ll all be gone, all our friends will move away._

_And they’re going to better places,_

_But our friends will be gone away._

_

They’re 18 years old, and Kitty’s just sent him a text saying she’s outside. And Kitty hates driving, especially at night, and it’s cold enough at this hour for there to be a fine mist everywhere, but when he opens the door she’s there in her coat, her car parked on the curb and her arms wrapped around herself.

“Do you want to come in?” Roderick offers, but before he’s even got the question out she’s cut him off with a sharp shake of her head. She stands there, unhappy, obviously cold, and doesn’t speak for a while.

“I’m going to NYU.” she says. “I got accepted and it’s everything I want in a program, so by the fall I’m going to be moving up into New York.”

Roderick pushes back by reflex the spike of jealousy that rises when he thinks of his classmates all moving on to university. He can’t afford to; even if they were in any position to pay tuition costs, he knows well enough that his mom can’t support his brother and sister the way they deserve to be supported without Roderick bringing in an income.

“That’s great!” Roderick says, even before he’s finished working through all this in his head. Still, the words coming out of her mouth don’t quite match up with the misery in her expression, the fact that she drove over at midnight to speak to him. He figures it out before she can tell him, and says it so she won’t have to.

“You came over here to break up with me.”

Her fingers dig a little tighter into her coat sleeves, and she nods. “Whatever it is we’ve been doing these past few months,” she says, “I think it’s best if we make a clean break before I go off to New York. I’ve seen enough long distance things in my time to know they get messy fast.”

Roderick can’t fault her for her logic, but he doesn’t know what to say, either. They stand there on the doorstep, neither of them moving, for a long time before Kitty speaks again, softly enough that Roderick has to lean in to hear her.

“I just don’t want to hurt you.”

_

They’re 20 years old, and Roderick is only one year into his undergrad degree where Kitty is three years into hers. He comes home to the apartment they’ve been sharing and Kitty is sitting on the floor of the living room, notes from her econ class abandoned to one side and her laptop in front of her, playing Netflix while she does her level best to drink a whole bottle of cheap wine.

“What are we watching?” he asks, settling down next to her on the floor as easy as breathing. She offers him a sip from her glass.

“Project Runway.” she says. “This guy thinks he’s going to sew Christmas lights into a dress, it’s a train wreck.” Now that Roderick is here, she curls up into his shoulder. “Are you gonna cook tonight or should I just order a pizza now?”

“Pizza.”

“Good choice.”

_

They’re 23 years old, and they’re in that long moment of anticipation, everyone holding someone’s hand staring at Kurt and Blaine’s TV screen. Roderick has a well-documented tendency to fidget, so much so that Kitty doesn’t even need to glance across to know that he’s bouncing his leg, muttering “come on come on come on come on” under his breath too softly for her to hear. Someone else in the room is saying it too, loud enough to be heard around the room, and it’s not like everyone there isn’t thinking it.

She and Roderick are not together right now, and maybe they’ll hear about it later, but the announcer says “Ms Rachel Berry!” and there’s no pair of arms Kitty would rather throw herself into than Roderick’s.

_

They’re 24 years old, and Kitty’s own predictability almost makes her laugh sometimes- it’s the reason why, when Marley lets herself into Kitty’s apartment and hears ‘Back to December’ blaring at full volume off her laptop, she doesn’t have to ask what’s happened.

“Oh, no.” she says, when she’s made her way up to the bedroom and Kitty doesn’t even look up from where she’s lying on the bed, soaking in the music. “Do you need anything?”

“How many times can we screw this one thing up?” Kitty asks, in lieu of answering the question. “I mean, it’s me, it’s _Roderick;_ it’s supposed to be easy.”

And Kitty hasn’t asked her to, but Marley is slipping off her jacket and her shoes and sliding into bed next to her, where they stare at the ceiling together. “My mom always says,” Marley begins, and then lets out a brief, self-conscious laugh. “Every mom in the world always says,” she amends, “if you love something, you let it go.”

“And then it comes back to you.” Kitty says; whether it’s to herself or to Marley or to the ceiling, she isn’t sure. “And then it goes, and it comes back, and it goes again.”

The song has ended and started over again.

“If it’s meant to be, it’ll work out.” Marley says. “You’ll see.”

_

They’re 26 years old, and they’re friendly exes but tumultuous lovers, or so Jane has pointed out to them a number of times. They’re at one of Kitty’s post-Thanksgiving get togethers and when Kitty pointedly finds a place as far away from Roderick as possible to stand, she tries her best to ignore the way Jane’s eyes follow her.

“Wipe that smug look off your face.” she says, without even having to look to know it’s there, and Jane, bless her heart, does her best to obey.

_

They’re 28 years old, and they’re lying in bed, Roderick tracing Kitty’s collarbone absently with his thumb. Kitty has made fun of him for this before, the fact that he lies down and looks at her like this, because his glasses are off and he’s _very_ farsighted and the overall effect is sort of a blurry blob, but of all of the blurry blobs in the world, she’s the one he’d pick.

“What if we got married?” he whispers. Just so it’s out there.

Kitty makes a soft, affectionate noise in her throat. Roderick’s heard this noise before, and he knows the smile that goes with it, gentle and a pinch patronising, eyes half lidded with sleep. “That something you’ve been thinking about?” she asks.

Roderick doesn’t answer yes or no, because that would seem to imply an intention one way or the other. “What if we did?”

She shuffles a little under the blanket, slips one hand under her pillow the way she always does, hums. “Then you’d have to do a lot better than proposing to me in bed, lover boy.”

If Roderick wants to pursue it further, he doesn’t get the chance to, because by the time he thinks of anything else to say she’s already asleep.

_

They’re 30 years old, and Roderick is walking with her to her gate in the airport. It’s nothing they haven’t done before, but it’s also uncharted territory.

 In one hand she has her one way ticket to London. In the other is Roderick’s hand, warm and solid and steady as it’s always been.

There’s a long, disoriented moment where Kitty can’t remember which one she needs to let go of.

“They’re calling for your flight.” Roderick says, nodding towards the departure gate. “You’d better go.”

He hands her carry on over to her, slowly and a little pained. The longer Kitty looks at Roderick, the more she feels like saying screw the job, the excitement, the opportunity, the city she’s always wanted to live in, and getting back into Roderick’s car and having him drive her back down to his apartment. Just staying with him forever.

Forever. Huh.

“This isn’t goodbye.” she says, because if she says it out loud enough times it’s bound to be true. Right? “Life will bring us together again.”

Roderick smiles, and Kitty tries to absorb the warmth of it, so she’ll have something to hold onto for the long plane ride. “Of course it will.” he says. “It always does, with us.”

And then there’s nothing else to say, so Kitty wraps her arms around his neck and Roderick wraps his arms around her waist and he holds her, for a long, too-short moment. And wiping her eyes would be admitting that there are tears there, which Kitty doesn’t want to do, but it’s going to smudge her makeup in a second so when she pulls away, she dabs at her eyes with the back of her hand and smiles at him.

“See you around.” she says, because “goodbye” seems too final.

“See you around.” Roderick says.

She steps through the gate, and Roderick stands right in that spot until Kitty can’t see him anymore.

_

_“Rivers and roads, rivers and roads, rivers till I reach you…_

_Rivers and roads, rivers and road, rivers till I reach you.”_


End file.
